I just got home from a High School graduation celebration.There were lots of teens at the party playing basketball in the driveway of thehouse. I noticed one little boy, about 6 years old, watching the older boysplaying ball. His eyes were all aglow and he would laugh when they laughed andcheer when they made a point. It was obvious that this little boy wanted, morethan anything, to be invited to play. He wanted to be a “big kid!”

Watching him reminded me of how much children look forwardto being “big” and older than they are and it also reminded me that we, asadults in their lives, can help them to “feel big.” It is important thatchildren learn early that they are competent and strong… not “just a child,” asis so often communicated to them verbally and non-verbally.

We can help them feel strong and confident by creating spacesthat they have mastery of. Perhaps they could have their own water pitcher(child sized) and pour their own glass of water when they are thirsty. Ageappropriate chores allow children to become experts over an area of theirlives. Helping them to learn the importance of caring for an animal gives thema sense of meaning and purpose. Asking them to help us do something gives thema sense of being needed.

Helping a child master their environment takes energy andtime. It is much easier to “do it for them” than to help them learn it forthemselves. It is sometimes messy when we let them try and do things forthemselves. But it is important. Children often get the impression that, aschildren, they are second-class people. Helping them master their environment andto become experts at something new reminds them that they have purpose, thatthey are competent, and that they don’t have to be a “big kid” to be wonderful!